I get a lot of people approaching Me for an introduction to BDSM, and obviously, I’m more than happy to oblige!
However, the Fetish world is absolutely massive and there are so many aspects to it. How do you get more involved in the wider kink world?
Well, that’s what this little guide is for… It’s not exhaustive, but it covers the main places you can explore a little further.
Keep yourself safe!
Before we go too far, I want to give you a bit of a warning.
Kinksters practise SSC or ‘Safe, Sane and Consensual‘. Everything W/we do is based on communication, setting limits, and only doing practices that are safe and that everybody is willing to be involved.
Sadly, because kink is misunderstood it attracts a certain type of person that thinks that if you’re a Dom/me you can do ‘whatever you want’ to a sub. These people are not kinksters, this is NOT what kink is about. They are dangerous predators.
Also, there are some subs who are not who they say they are.
Just be careful, and take care of yourself!
So, you’re a sub guy.
There is NO easy way to say this, there seems to be a million sub guys for every Domme woman.
Quite simply, even though we think we’re in a modern world, there is still a lot of ‘old fashioned’ thinking.
It’s not right, but it is what it is. It does mean you are going to have your work cut out for you.
DON’T try and talk a sub female into Dominating you. They’re not into it. Be patient, or book a professional. (Me!)
IF you’re new take some time to read up.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being new! Every Dom/me has started somewhere, every sub has started somewhere.
Take some time to do some reading, and understand the terms, dynamics etc.
But then, don’t act like you know everything! Just openly tell everyone ‘I’m new to this’. Nobody will care, but if you try and ‘fake it until you make it’, people will not take kindly to it.
REMEMBER – Real kink is based on communication! If you are honest, people will trust and respect you!
So… where to begin?
So, you’ve sat at home, you’ve looked at a LOT of online kink and now, you really want to meet some other kinksters who are just like you. Where do you go? How do you find these other people?
Visit a Pro Domme
I appreciate this is self-promotion… but for absolute beginners visiting a Pro Domme is the perfect introduction to kink. (providing you pick a good one!)
I have introduced many people to their first taste of kink and most of them have stayed with Me for years. It’s a simple, non judgmental way to dip your toe in!
You can apply for a session here: https://miss-kimberley.co.uk/booking-a-session-with-miss-kimberley/
Fetlife.
I have a love-hate relationship with Fetlife. It is a fantastic resource with some absolutely wonderful people, and I have met many amazing people there.
But it’s also full of idiots.
However, it probably IS the best portal to meeting kinksters and finding some of the other events that I’m going to list here.
Create a profile and include a picture of yourself, (NOT your genitalia) for your profile. You don’t have to show your face.
You can easily meet kinksters near you, who may help you out and guide you to local events in the area.
However, while it is a kinky website, keep your conversation normal and polite.
I will almost definitely respond to a message along the lines of:
“Good evening Mistress, I apologise for messaging you out of the blue, but I am interested in a session including strap-on play, is that something you might be able to offer…”
I will instantly block anyone who sends Me a message along the lines of:
“Alright, I want you to stick your strap on up my ar*se and f*ck me until I have an org*asm”
We are all on fetlife because we’re kinky and yes it can be about sex, but if there are ways of approaching it…
Munches
Probably the first port of call for any newbie is a munch…
A munch is a get-together, usually held in a pub, for kinky people. They are almost always ‘vanilla’ so you just turn up in every day clothes and you don’t draw attention to the fact you’re kinky.
Don’t go to a munch expecting to find a partner!
Go to a munch expecting to just meet some nice kinky people have a chat and have a good time.
In My experience munches can be a bit cliquey, so expect to go a few times before you are accepted. There is almost always one or two friendly people to chat too though.
Munches can be found on the ‘Groups’ section of Fetlife.
Play Munches
Play munches are generally run by the people who run the normal munches, but with some play too.
This time you get to wear your kinky wear and you’ll see various degrees of kinkiness going on.
Because play munches are generally run by the people who run the normal munches, it is unlikely you’ll get to join in with the play. Obviously that’s not always the case, but don’t expect it.
If you definitely want a play, My advice is to pre-arrange to meet someone there.
Play munches can be really good fun to just attend and see what goes on.
Play events
Very similar to a play munch, but these are commercially run events. They tend to be held in swingers clubs and will generally have more equipment and a lot more people!
Once again, if you want to definitely play, arrange to meet someone there, don’t attend expecting to play. (although you might get lucky!)
However, on the positive side, some events have a ‘House Domme’ who you can book for an hour or two of play.
Play events are still worth going to though, you have an opportunity to get dressed up in your kinky clothes and you’ll meet some lovely people.
IF you keep attending you might eventually find a play partner too.
Kink-specific events.
‘Kink’ is a word that covers a LOT of different things.
People who enjoy a specific kink, like latex fetishwear will occasionally get together for a night of fun.
Once again, DON’T expect to go along to your first event and get to play with others.
Expect to go along, have a nice time and meet a few people who are really into the sort of thing you’re into.
Finding kink-specific events is a little harder. They are generally invite only and you’ll need to meet another person who attends these events and get to know them.
Workshops.
Like the kink specific events, there are kink specific workshops!
This might be a rope group, a latex-making event, a leather-making event, interrogation scenes… there are LOADS of different workshops…
There is almost NEVER any play at workshops (Certainly I’ve never heard of it!) but they are a really friendly place to meet other kinksters.
There are loads of events listed on
In conclusion:
Much as I hate to say it, Fetlife is THE place to get started. There are loads of events and groups there where you can find kinksters just like you!
I can’t reiterate this enough, DON’T go to any of these events looking to hook up. BDSM is totally based on trust and that takes TIME.
DO go to events looking to meet people and have fun. Enjoy yourself.
The longer you go and the more events you go to(and providing you don’t act like an idiot) the more people will trust you.
And finally, stay safe. Never forget that there ARE weird people out there. Read about Safe Sane and Consensual and REMEMBER IT!
Off you go now and enjoy yourself! Kinksters are a genuine, friendly, fun group of people, we just throw up walls to protect ourselves.
Miss Kimberley xx
