What makes a good pro Domme? There are literally hundreds of Dommes all competing for your attention and money. If you’re new to the scene, how do you pick?
What are the things you should be looking for and what warning signs are there that, perhaps, a Domme isn’t right for you?
I’ve been wanting to write some educational pieces for a while (I think I’ve dabbled with it, especially on My Twitter page https://twitter.com/misskimberley5 ) but this is going to be the first dedicated ‘educational piece’
What makes a ‘bad’ Domme?
I really don’t want to spend a huge amount of time being negative on this post, but at the same time, there are a few things I feel that are ‘red flags’ and you should maybe question if they’re the right Domme for you.
These things include:
You should never session with an inebriated Domme. Yes, it happens. They’re in charge of your life. You want that Domme to be sober!
Hitting people where they shouldn’t be hit. There are graphics online with places where it’s safe, ok, and NOT safe to hit a person. Find one and familiarise yourself with it.
Your kinks and limits are not discussed. Just don’t.
Running other Dommes down all the time. Calling out unsafe practices is cool. Kink shaming Dommes because you think a ‘Domme shouldn’t do that’ is uncool.
YOU need to take responsibility for your own safety. Have a good in-depth discussion with your potential Domme and make sure you feel safe and comfortable with them.
You can always expand as you progress and push limits and boundaries, but this should be the starting point.
Who is the best Domme?
Possibly, that’s the wrong question to ask. The right question would be; “Who is the best Domme … for me?”
You could find the most expensive, well thought of, best looking Domme in the world and she just might not be right for you.
It is super important that you take your time, do your research and ask questions.
Finding the best Pro Domme (for me)
So, as a Pro Domme, how would I go about finding the perfect Pro Domme (for Me) knowing what I know?
If you’re completely new to kink and this is your first time sessioning with a Pro Domme, then you should, first of all, think really hard about what YOU want.
There is a bit of an urban myth that a Domme will ‘beat you up’ and do ‘whatever she wants’ with you.
It doesn’t work that way.
Especially as a newbie, you should make sure your kinks align with your chosen Domme.
Maybe as you progress and your relationship with your Domme progresses, your boundaries will be pushed and stretched, but that has to be discussed and agreed upon.
Once you’ve decided on the things you want to explore, you should then start taking some time to look at Pro Domme websites.
Make sure that you take a good amount of time to read what she has to say on her website! Don’t just think ‘she’s hot, I’ll book her!’
Does she list the things on her website that you want to explore? Does she seem like the person you would get on with? And yes, I suppose a physical attraction needs to be there as well…
Ok, find two or three Dommes that you want to talk to, and then… Don’t talk to them. Not yet anyway.
Find them on their social media pages and follow them, interact with them. Leave a few comments. Like their pictures. Interact with their followers (but don’t annoy anyone!)
Now, you need to be a little careful here. Social media can be manipulated. If someone has 80k followers but only gets 20 likes on a picture and no interaction, those followers are probably bought.
By the same token, if they’ve only have a thousand followers, but every picture gets 500 likes, you have to question… are they all genuine?
There is a possibility that they are! I’m not saying don’t, I’m just saying ‘be careful’!
I would personally try to get to know the person behind the social media account. (without being weird and a stalker!)
A mental connection is SO important in kink. I really can’t stress that enough. You will never know somebody 100% by their posts, but it will give you a good idea. A feel for the sort of person making the posts.
For Me, a positive outlook is super important and while I take kink really seriously, I like to have a lot of fun. My subs are My friends and I like them to be respectful but enjoy themselves in My company.
If you take the time to look at My social media, blog posts etc, you’ll see all of these things come through in My posts.
By the same token, I don’t like negativity. I don’t like kink shaming. I don’t like it when people tell Me that kink has to be a certain way, or it’s not kink. I don’t run other Dommes down if I don’t like the way they run their business (but I will call out unsafe practices)
If you read a Dommes posts and you find you find yourself enjoying and agreeing with them, it’s a good bet you’ll like the person behind them.
The most important thing for Me, would be that firstly there is a connection of some description. Secondly that the Domme in question has kinks that align with mine and finally that the Domme is Safe, Sane and Consensual.
You should not be looking for a Domme who is the naughtiest, has been doing it the longest, has the biggest boobs etc, you should be looking for a SAFE Domme that is on the same page (kink-wise) as you.
Ok, now it’s time to actually get in touch!
MAKE SURE YOU FOLLOW THE DOMMES RULES FOR CONTACT.
If they want you to complete a form, do it. If they want you to text first, do it.
There is nothing worse than getting a DM saying ‘How do I book a session?’ When you have reams and reams of information online telling subs EXACTLY how to book.
This is how I would go about finding… well anything in life that I want to get involved with.
However, be prepared to walk away. If at any time you feel things aren’t right, just say thank you for their time and move on.
In conclusion
Safe, Sane and Consensual absolutely trumps everything, it’s THE most important thing to look for in a Domme.
Make sure that your kinks align. This means you have to take the time to do some research. Boring I know, but you’ll appreciate it in the long run.
Be careful of social media, but it is the best way to see if there’s a true connection.
And finally, realign your thinking… You’re looking for ‘The best Mistress for me’.
She might only have been a Domme for a few months, she might not have a dungeon… But she might just be the very best Mistress for you.
So, I hope that helps, although I appreciate it has probably thrown up more questions than answers, but the most important thing is to take care of yourself, have fun and STAY SAFE!
Miss Kimberley xxx
If you would like to apply for a session:
